FamilyMatters

Paul Langmuir - a Legacy

I am back from my trip East for Paul Langmuir's memorial service.

Wow.

It was an amazing weekend of Love and Remembrance - of celebration and thanks - of tears and sadness.  He touched so many people so importantly -- and we all thought we were the most special.  Everyone talked about "my Paul." What a huge gift of life he was to us all.

The church was packed to the gills, Jean Redpath flew in from Scotland to sing, Christian and Karl, and Lynne and Susan, and Hannah and Mike all spoke -- for themselves and for us all -- it was wonderful.

Linda posted this which I have listened to many times -- I think a perfect sentiment.

 

 

I read this from Paul's Second Letter to the Corinthians -- which has been rolling around in my head since:

"So we do not lose heart.  Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.  For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be  seen: for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. 

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.  For in this tent we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling — if indeed, when we have taken it off we will not be found naked.  For while we are still in this tent, we groan under our burden, because we wish not to be unclothed but to be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 

He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. 

So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord — for we walk by faith, not by sight.  Yes, we do have confidence, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.  So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him."

So many people. So Many Memories.

This picture of my mom and Paul at Carleton for my Senior Recital really hit home.  I think it's going to take a while.  

Paul Langmuir

Paul Langmuir died suddenly and unexpectedly on April 30th. He was 67.

When I think of Paul, an overlapping slideshow of scenes come to mind – a wide grin, music, entertaining, Martha’s Vineyard, him saying “Jane” and then sharing his thoughts, him talking earnestly with whoever was at the table, his goose illustrations that captured so many occasions and sentiments, the calendars that gave us his point of view of what he saw in the places he loved.

 

Paul Langmuir became a second father to me in high school when I went to live with the Langmuirs so that I could attend Lincoln for my junior and senior years when my family moved to Columbus.

 

Paul and Jane and Christian and Karl welcomed me into their home as an extension of their ownfamily.  Where they went, I went. The rules applied to me too.

I learned a lot from Paul:

1. Always look people in the eye when you're talking with them
2. Kiss people on the lips not on the "air cheek"
3. Be present
4. Converse with the people with you disagree with integrity
5. Tell people when you are proud of them

He actively delighted in the achievements and beings of those he loved – and shared his delight with a wide smile for all to see.

He took active interest in what I was doing; he was the Lambrequins’ #1 fan even before Christian joined the group. Other people used to say “but Lee, he’s not your dad – why’s he here?”  1. He loved music and Jim Hallan and the Lambrequins. 2. He loved me.

He let me know when I did well and when I could do better, particularly in cleaning up the kitchen or in articulating my consonants while talking.  A “you done good,” was all it took to make my day.  As much as I felt this, I know Karl and Christian felt it much much more.

My friends were always welcome in their home and they were there a LOT.  My friend Nancy said to me last week when she heard about Paul’s death “Lee, we liked you before, but you got REAL popular when Paul was home.”  So many of my friends have written to say how much they cherished their time at the Langmuir’s home and how much Paul impacted their lives – from sharing his passion for Keith Jarrett to teaching the importance of household budgeting – what a huge gift he was to all of us.

 

I have so many vivid memories of Paul from my time in his and Jane’s home – from him sitting at the kitchen table fastidiously spreading peanut butter on Bath Water Crackers, to spreading the New York Times out on the dining room table, to getting sandwiches at Geoff’s, to taking photos at events, to teaching Karl calligraphy, and calming down a bunch of high school girls after we got in trouble down town in places we shouldn’t have been (a few times). 

 

One of the most meaningful moments for me was when Paul and Jane put my picture on the family photo wall – and Paul said “that’s where you belong.”

 

He was a great friend to both of my parents, and so many others. He was a great partner to Jane, a great father to Christian and Karl and a wonderful grandfather to Hannah, Grace, Meredith, Noah, Zachary and Marlee.

 

His life on earth was too short.  But his impact was profound.  He leaves a wide, indelible mark in the people and places he loved. He “done good.”

Santa Called Liam Last Night

A couple of nights ago after watching Polar Express (again) Liam brought me a piece of paper and said "Santa. Note" and then mimed licking an envelope.

So he dictated a note to Santa....

Lee: "Dear Santa....ok Liam what do you want to say."

Liam: "This is Liam."

Lee: "Ok, now, do you want to tell Santa that you were a bad boy but you want presents anyway?"

Liam: "No!!! Me Nice!"

Lee: "Ok -- I have been nice this year, and I want....."

Liam: "Indie whip and hat." (Referring of course to Indiana Jones' hat and whip from the first movie.

Lee: "Anything else?"

Liam: "mmmmmmm" (tapping his finger to his forhead) and then with a triumphant finger to the sky "Indie coat"

We finished off the note and addressed it and put it in the pile to be mailed.

Yesterday Santa got the note, funnily enough at my office, and called Liam last night.

Lee "Liam, the phone's for you."

Liam: "who?"

Lee: "I don't know."

Liam "hi...." Listens to Santa (who looks a lot like Dan from Double Forte) say "Liam is that you?"

Liam: "yes" and then his eyes got really big when he heard "this is Santa"

Liam: "Santa?!??!!??! Ohhhh myyyyyy gosh!"

Then after a very animated discussion about santa, indie's hat and whip, pointing at the tree where Santa would leave the presents, talking about hot hot (hot chocolate) and cookies, we finally had to say goodbye to Santa so he could call other kids.

This morning when Liam came down to wake us up, he ran to my side of the bed and said

"Santa call me! make hot hot and cookies Today!!!"

Yeah, I'd be owing Dan $50 for this one!

I Miss My Mom

Yesterday would have been my mother's 70th birthday. And I went through the day conscious that it was her birthday, missing her, but thinking to myself "wow, it does get easier."

And then I went to church today.

And it hit me like a ton of bricks. First, it's the 3rd Sunday of Advent, my mother's favorite liturgical season. (Here she is with Liam and Mike winter 2002 the first Xmas she was sick.)Then watching Michael acolyte and thinking how much my mother would love that he loves to acolyte and sing at church and school. And then Thomas gave one of his best sermons.

Thankfully I was sitting in front of Denora today -- angel on earth who notices EVERYTHING -- who worked her special prayer magic on me.

And then NOT only Amazing Grace BUT ALSO Jerusalem -- Gina's #2 and #1 favorite hymns.

Frankly I was a mess -- and everyone was wondering why the tears streaming down the face.... I mean really.

Thank God for St. Paul's. Not only is my mother there, so I can visit anytime, but my village kicks in whenever I seem to need it.

Another thing my mother would have been so excited, thankful and appreciative of.

Heavy sigh.

Randy Pausch: Letting your kids write on the walls

Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon computer science professor whose last lecture impacted so many died today.  Read the New York Times story on his lecture here http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/07/25/last-lecture-professor-randy-pausch-dies-at-47/?hp

What an incredible man.  I remember reading the WSJ story about his last lecture (where he announced his retirement and his incurable pancreatic cancer) in my office last fall and just being overwhelmed -- the tears wouldn't stop -- they won't stop now.

Most good parents I know (yes the subjective!) focus on their kids -- how to help them, how to encourage, how to inspire, how not to get in there way. This is tempered by the realities of getting to school on time, brushing teeth, finishing homework and keeping the peace in a normal life.

Randy Pausch -- in sharing his own story -- has, I hope, dramatically improved the lot of countless children.  Let your kids draw on walls. Let your kids win crappy stuffed animals at carnivals. Don't stifle, encourage -- even when it's hard. Randy' Book At Amazon

Our two kids are so different, so passionate.

Michael -- passionate about the organ and singing and drama and horses. Liam passionate about life in general and connecting with other people. Both easily distracted by the regular beat of the day - both in search of fulfillment in what's in their hearts.

I hope we always remember to let them write on the walls even when it would be so much easier if they were just like other kids.

"Oh My Gosh!"

Liam has -- yet again -- added vocubulary to his repetoire. 

"I Love You."

"Are you Mad?"

"Is Mike in Trouble?"

"I have OT today. No school Tomorrow"

His latest sentence however is "Oh My Gosh!" said with dramatic emphasis and with great repetition.

Sunday was Mike's debut at the organ during church. He played the prelude and the postlude -- it was a great day! During the announcements Rev Julie asked if anyone had announcements and Liam raised his hand and Julie called on him and Liam pointed at his brother and said "Mike! and he wiggled his fingers like he was playing the piano. So Julie said "and yes, thanks to Mike Caraher for playing the organ today!"

During the postlude -- Liam interrupted Mike -- he was so excited, but Mike recovered. Afterwards everyone clapped for him and then Liam came running out of the vestibule and yelled.

"Oh My Gosh!"

Call ABBY!

My new car has a great hands-free phone and voice recognition system, and I've programmed it with my family and friends and colleagues.

When I was first getting used to it, I said "Call Abby" -- and it didn't recognize the command. So I said again "Call AB  BEE" and voila' Abby was called and we were talking to her!

Of course Liam was in the back of the car, so now every time he gets into my car, he buckles up and as soon as we're on our way he yells from the back

"Call ABBB -- BEEEEEEEE"