Rocks Are Hard

Tell People They Matter

It's a simple thing to do -- an even simpler thing to forget....tell people they matter.  Matter to you, matter to a group, matter to the world.

Some people "tell" people they matter by riding their asses so hard, it feels like they might break.  They drive, and poke, and prod, and scold, and guide and advise -- constantly moving the other person to a higher place. For some people, that's how you know they care... you can see when these people don't care about someone, because they don't "see" them or don't bother to give advice or "ride" them.  It is the strong person indeed who can be on the recipient end of such attention...when you understand that it is because the "advisor" cares and believes and trusts, it changes your perspective a bit -- makes it easier to take, but it's still hard.

Other people "tell" people they matter by not telling them they suck. We all know these people. I think we are ALL this person.  Speaking for myself, I assume the other person knows that if I'm not saying anything, it's all good.

But -- it's not that hard to tell people they matter.  Take the thought bubble out of your head and say it out loud.

"Good job, thank you."

"I trust you."

"You must be the hardest working maitre d' in San Francisco and I appreciate it."

"If you need to take some time, take it. Be well."

"I'm proud of you."

"Fantastic."

I know when I get positive comments, I am buoyed. I see the smiles on people's faces when I take my positive inside voice and make it my outside voice (the trick is to keep the inside voice inside for not so positive things :) ). 

It doesn't take much to tell people they matter. That they make a difference.  Because they do. 

Say It Out Loud

The best relationships are among and between people who can say what they're thinking out loud -- with respect -- and not worry that they won't be heard or appreciated. Or that their words won't be understood or taken with the right attitude.

That's why there are so few good relationships!

Saying it out loud is hard.  Gearing up for it takes thought and care. 

How to tell the high achiever that his/her attitude is getting in his/her way. How to say "Snap out of it!" in a way that doesn't require Cher's slap across the face, but has the same effect. How to say "no, you're crazy" without making the other person feel like an idiot.

Not saying it out loud seems easier but actually is more draining.  More and more time spent "dealing" with a tough personality.  More and more storytelling going into imagining how the other person will react.  More and more waster energy on imagining instead of solving.

So when rocks are hard and water is wet -- SAY IT OUT LOUD ... FIRST! So you can get the issue on the table and move forward. So you can help the other person be better at what they're doing or more effective in their presentation, or more productive in their efforts.

More often than not the other person will appreciate the candor, and assuming you show up with solutions (say it out loud DOES NOT MEAN whining!), the help -- and together you can move forward towards the common goal.

When we tell it like it is to our clients -- and to their faces -- we do them and ourselves a favor by moving actively from the problem to the collective solution.

Leave the Party When You're Still Having Fun

I always leave a party when I'm still having fun.  So often I'm one of the first to go.

So I always:

-  remember a fun evening before people got sloppy.

- can never really get sloppy myself ;)

- don't regret not leaving sooner!

Better to have people wish you stayed longer than wished you'd left sooner!

Better to know that the entire experience was fun, than "well it was good until...."

So in work:

- always better to call the ball, before the ball is called.

AND

- take control of how you leave, before anyone can show you the door and say you outstayed your welcome.

Finally I Get To Pay It Forward

When I decided that PR was for me, I told my Father, who then told me to call our family friend Chip Morse.  So I did. Chip made me write him a letter describing why I thought PR was good for me, why I wanted to be in Boston, thoughts on what a good career path would be, and what I brought to the table.

After that letter passed muster and he knew that I wouldn't embarrass him, Chip introduced me to his sister-in-law Laura Barker Morse, a top-recruiter in Boston, who then on his request set me up with 11 informational interviews in one week. From those 11 informational interviews I got 6 or 7 more introductions and 5 internship offers.  I took the one that paid me the most (well, paid me at all!) and I was off to the races. 

(Then I came to visit Chip and Susan Morse and their daughter Laura for a weekend and stayed for 7 months as I started my PR career, but that's another story.)

Chip didn't collect a debt.  Laura only asked that when I was asked to help a friend's kid that I would.

Well - I've lived long enough (and met enough people) for that to finally happen. 

Thank you to all of my friends and aquaintances who have said yes to helping me introduce my friend's son to Silicon Valley technology firms.  I know that the time they will take with this bright young man will be invaluable for him and will eventually lead to work.  And that he will work hard and be an asset wherever he lands.

It doesn't take much to help someone.  Chip put me through the ringer -- no skin off his nose (he will like that one!). Laura made 11 calls for me because Chip asked her to, 11 people said yes to meet me because Laura asked them to, people offered me internships because I showed up and was a good risk to take -- on paper and by association. That first job I took was hellish but I met Malinda Banash, who brought me to Weber.

Who else can I help by just connecting the dots or heading them off at the pass?

So many people have helped me I can't even count, but it will be a good exercise in recalling them all.

Thank you to all of you.

Do What's Right....For The Other Person

Too often it's easy to focus on what's right for me, for us, for the bottomline.

I believe what's right for my bottomline is what's right for the people on the other side of the contract -- the client.  So we need to focus on what is right to achieve the goals -- REGARDLESS of whether they use us or not; REGARDLESS of whether it means that billings go down; REGARDLESS of who will get the credit. Because what is right builds trust.  What is right builds good-will.  What is right builds business the easy way -- by enthusiastic referral.

So in the end, what's best for us is what's best for the client.  It's just not always immediate gratification. It takes discipline.  It takes disappointment.  It takes courage to focus on the long game when the short inches gets you to the first down.